diary entry, 10th grade

stuff I hate:

cold coffee
dolphin tattoos
eyebrow rings
clowns
the beatles
regis philbin
slow walkers

stuff I love:

eating jam out of the jar




Its equally disconcerting and reassuring that I still hate the same things I did when I was 15.

sometimes I think the only time I feel alive is when I'm fucking terrified.

You were sixteen
When you fell in love
No one told you
It won't be enough
To beat the odds one night
at twenty-two

Sixteen - Lucero

I gave into the blog trend, I have a tumblr

http://firststep.tumblr.com

on nights like this I am reminded that the only person you can ever depend on is yourself.

sometimes I do not sleep because there is simply too much.

too much to touch.
too much to do and see and say.
too much to be happy and sad about.

so I stay awake to see what happens next.

wah wah wah

paul baribeau is really, really good at making me cry. especially these songs:

nothing to say
christmas lights
hard work
tablecloth
I thought I could find you
things I don't do

we're talking waterworks in seconds.

no matter how much I think I may be growing up or maturing or letting go of things that still make me sad even though they happened a long time ago I still love listening to music I know is going to make me cry. It feels really good to exhaust yourself in that way, I sit in my basement listening to these songs and I indulge myself in a little emotional vomiting from time to time. The difference between when I first started doing this and now is that now I actually leave my house and manage to be a semi-functional and coherent person from time to time.

these are some of my favourite songs of all time

sometimes - my bloody valentine
just like honey - jesus and mary chain
teenage riot - sonic youth
alex chilton - the replacements
transmission - joy division
ma jolie - bear vs shark
ceremony - new order
judy and the dream of horses - belle and sebastian
dress sexy at my funeral - smog
I wanna be adored - stone roses
little league - cap'n jazz
first step - jawbreaker
logan to government center - brand new
less than nothing - i hate myself
homecoming - the teenagers

yep, that's about it.